SINGLE BLACK WOMEN: WHAT GIVES

One of my favorite posters asked me to comment on this topic a couple of weeks ago in relation to the church.  As a non-church-goer, I can't speak with authority from that perspective but as a black woman I can comment on this topic in general.  What prompted me to revisit this topic was an ad on my sidebar on Facebook.  It was for an e-book entitled, SHE'S A HOT MESS: WHY 70% of BLACK WOMEN ARE SINGLE.  As part of that percentage, the title did pique my interest.  I read the teaser and the not quite historically correct lesson that was given.  The atrocities stated were real but please death to the Willie Lynch fable. 

I will say, I do think "SHE'S A HOT MESS" is a misnomer, the problem lies with the men.  I love black men, really I do.  Even when I say I'm going to "date out" it's with you I find the most comfort.  In the company of black men I feel completed, you get me--no explanation needed.   But y'all are so damn  trifling complicated.  Why do I have to worry about how many baby mommas you are hiding, or is that woman I suspect you are creeping with really a guy? 

Seriously the DL lifestyle has to end.  It's 2010 no need to pretend.  Case in point:

This picture was sent to me by my #1poster, it was featured on a popular entertainment blog.  By the body language, I assumed the men were gay, no big deal, but to my surprise these men wrote in to proclaim they were straight.  C'mon son, who you fooling?  Not me, maybe you.  Not only is there a large number of black men that are sexually duplicitous, the man on man sex they partake in is usually unsafe.  I'll be unPC and say I do feel that you are the reason for the burgeoning African American HIV rate.

If you like men or trannies, then just be real and say it.  It's better to live, if I find out about either one--I'm going to kill you anyway.  There are women who are open to bi/gay men, leave me alone and go find one: no negative judgement for you, but for me--I judge and deem it as not my thing.

Now I hear the new thing is open marriages.  If my husband and I are going to date, I'd rather stay single.  I'm going to get married, to finally end the whole meat market charade that is the dating game, just to be put back on the track with my postnatal body--no thanks.  I'd rather get divorced and do that.  Like I'm going to answer the phone and say to my man, "Honey, telephone. It's your girlfriend, Sheila."

They say monogamy is not natural, says who?  I used to say that too; it was a comforting excuse.  There are some committed men, I say it and for me there will be.  If you don't believe it, I can't speak for you.

I would like to know what is the mentality behind open marriages? Please don't reference animals, they exist on instinct, your mental capacity allows you a greater ability to reason and think.  Higher Reasoning: Use it or Get Screwed By It.  Society as it exists today can't economically support multiple wives and kids for most.  You do know polygamous societies call for the man to be financially responsible for each household?  It's not just about the right to put it in a different hole each night.  I'll be damn if money is taken out of my kid's mouth to give to the next, yup, I'll say it: bitch.  I don't want to hear how devolved and prudish I am, and how can I comment--I don't even have a man.  Well from what you are saying, I can have yours too.  So what do you really have, to me: someone common and openly shared--nothing special.

Back to my black men: I know many of you didn't have a positive male role model growing up and I understand, me too.  But just show me what you need from a woman; I'll be that.  I'll show you what I need from a man; you be that.  We might not of had examples but if we come together for each other; we'll be that.

To the lucky fathers: be a father to your child, your child is a reflection of you--gaze at that reflection with love and pride.  Remember you will be old someday too, you will want someone to return the favor: feeding you apple sauce and wiping up your drool. 

To the women: get your priorities straight: looks and swag don't make a good mate.  I like them too but if they exist on your list, they should be on the lowest end.  Don't turn down a good man because he isn't "fine", dresses a certain way or doesn't speak the latest slang.

#1 Priorities for me: Good Character, Compatible Personality and the ability to provide.  Yes, money is non negotiable.  I'm on my way to get mine, you should have already or have a plan to get yours.  I don't eat ramen noodles, only organic food.

So that's my take.  Comments Please: Do you agree?  Disagree?  And what did I miss?