OUIJA BOARD: MY EXPERIENCE

Sometime last year, I picked up an Emily the Strange Talking Board from the discount table of Barnes and Nobles.  I had played with an Ouija Board years ago as a kid and have no recollection of anything remarkable occurring.  My interest was renewed when I read a bunch of scary Ouija Board stories on a message board.  I thought they were all bullshit, but hey--you never know.  When I first got the board, I ran through my friends and acquaintances to see who would be willing to play with me.  I had no takers.  People really believed in Ouija Boards and were threatened by its supposed powers.  I was going to play by myself, but the instructions stated the game needed to be played with at least two people.  Besides, juvenile behavior is way more fun with a co-conspirator.

After a little cajoling, Remix (the fine specimen formerly known as 3MB) agreed to play with me.  Aside: I love the way he perfectly relates to my inner twelve-year-old.  He had a case to be solved, it involved a missing item and four suspects.  He needed a name.  Perhaps the Ouija Board would be able to provide it.

We set up the Ouija Board on his coffee table late one Saturday night.  He had been drinking.  A no no according to the Ouija Board directions I found online (supposedly it makes you more vulnerable to psychic attacks from unknown entities), so I made sure to sit closest to the door in case he got possessed and tried to attack me.  He didn't have a lighter to light the white candle I had brought to call only pure spirits with good intentions.  He wouldn't let me make a protective circle of sea salt on his floor.  I forgot the Florida Water.  He didn't have any incense.  So I said a prayer, closed my chakras, grounded myself, and visualized being surrounded by a bubble of pure white light.  He was on his own.  If anything went terribly wrong, I knew of a lady who could probably fix him up for a small fee.

We dimmed the lights, cleared our minds and asked the spirits to come talk to us.  He asked his question first.  The planchette started to move and spelled out the letters H and G. I was excited; it seemed like it was working.  I asked if any of the suspects had those initials and he said no.  I asked if it could be possibly spelling out a nickname, tag or something to the effect and again he said no.  I was disappointed.  I asked the spirits to give us another clue but this time the planchette didn't move.  We remained silent, deep in concentration for a few minutes and all of a sudden the planchette started moving with a tremendous burst of energy.  Energy that emanated from Remix.  He laughed.  I didn't find it funny.  He was ruining my psychic investigation with his foolery.  Well, it was kinda funny; I guess.

After a few more minutes, I inched closer to the door and asked the spirits to show themselves.  I called for good spirits, bad spirits, who cares just come and show your power--crickets.  We gave up, put the Ouija Board away and went about our night.  Nothing eventful happened: no weird dreams, no strange noises, flickering lights or anything of the sort.

This was a few weeks ago, and the board remains in his bedroom, on a shelf filled with magazines and other miscellaneous items.

The Ouija Board stories were all bullshit, just as I thought.