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I am a writer of dark magical realism. All that is visible but rarely seen, all that is real but seems surreal, all that is dark yet radiates light.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I don't have writer's block.  I have writer's hazy.  It's when you have all the ideas in the world, but don't know where to go.  And then on top of the hazy, you feel a little lazy.   I have three partially started stories.  The first one is an embryo, and I go back and forth on whether or not to abort.  I let a few people read my humble beginnings.   People were either bored, confused or they loved it.  It's a slightly complicated story--you have to have a reasonable vocabulary, imagination, and attention span to dig in.  Basically, if you had to look up "non sequitur",  this story is not for you.  I like the idea, but I don't love it.  It was born out of a jumble of words and I'm still forming it.  It was supposed to be about a soul that goes to hell. Well, not really hell but something to that effect.  The second two are love stories. Aside: I never wanted to write a love story.  I was told it would be rewarding.  They are just fertilized eggs introducing the female protagonist.  They are too soon in their inception to say if they will ever reach implantation.  Perhaps I will merge them together to create twins.  I haven't decided.

Times like this, I reach for the tarot cards.  I love my tarot cards, the spirit that reads with me is seventeen years old and she is from Estonia.  It sounds crazy, doesn't it?  How do I know this?  It would be a short story to tell, but it's a story I will not tell. Anyway, I ask her for information about my book career all the time.  She and I were not on speaking terms for a few months because I didn't like the messages I was receiving: they were all bad news.  I got over it.  Bad news is better than no news, so we have been in deep conversation as of late.    I ask her, "What would happen if I finished this book?  What would happen if I finished that book?" The messages I receive are so confusing.  Tarot is hard to decipher when you are reading with fear and ego.  So I decided, though I often ask people's opinion, there is really only one person I trust.

Aside: She wants me to write a love story.  Love?  Killers, Psychopaths, Evil Souls, that's me.  She even wants me to turn my soul that goes to hell story into a love story.   I ask her how, and she gives me The Tower.  What does that mean?  I'm not  talking about the definition of the card, but it's contextual meaning.  I mean, what does she mean?  Oh, I give up.  I don't see it.   

I asked my sweet Estonian spirit if she could speak through this one particular person.  Astonishingly enough, she agreed.  Let's see what happens.  What are the magic words to fulfill my dreams?

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